Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Fork and Knife, How To Use Them

How to Eat 101

Tuesday, May 3, 2016


Foods such as broccoli, artichokes and salad greens like traps.
There's nothing more annoying than enjoying a nice meal in a restaurant and it happens – food gets stuck between your teeth.  You just want to go in and dig it out, many do. I saw a man this morning going to town with a toothpick in his mouth. We’ve discussed using toothpicks in public before, why they’re on the table, we don’t understand because no one not even the owner of a restaurant wants to see you digging in with a toothpick.
            The best thing to do is to go into the bathroom and remove it. Try not to get a jump on it and sit at the table moving your tongue furiously or sucking your teeth around the trap to clear it.  Try your very best to not take it out with your fingers while still at the table, it’s very tempting because you want it over and out.
            Buon Appetito!

Thursday, April 14, 2016


…someone tells you that you smell like their grandmother?

The receptionist at the doctor’s office could not have been nicer; she patiently made calls searching for records lost in the system. She took a pause to spit into a bottle. When she did that a second time, I asked her if she was all right. She explained that she was pregnant with her second child and had hypersalivation.  All I could say was, “Oh.” I wanted suggest that she turn away when she spits but I needed those records.

Happy that she located them, she told me, “You smell like my grandmother.” I was speechless. I never equated my grandmother to any kind of smell outside of the kitchen where the aroma of  her chicken and dumplings ruled, but I wasn’t wearing Eau de Chicken and Dumplings. 

“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Whatever you’re wearing, it smells like her.”
“It reminds me of my grandmother, she died and I’m getting sentimental.”

I thanked her for her patience and wished her well. I hope she teaches her children to think before they speak, impress upon them the importance of language and social skills and to never spit in public or at their desks.

Sunday, April 3, 2016



Let’s face it, when you sign on to brunch, you’re signing on to a deal.  You have agreed to a meal with a beverage thrown in (maybe one or two or three!)

Fair enough to ask that no onions be added your scrambled eggs because you’re allergic. But if you want the Cobb salad without the bacon, cheese, and chicken, then you really don’t want a Cobb salad. You want more of a green salad with some chopped egg on top and doesn’t include a drink. Remember, the beauty of the brunch for the restaurant and diner is that it’s usually a prepared done deal.  If you have that many restrictions, then maybe brunch isn’t the deal of a meal for you.

Today, I had the pleasure of hearing the all time stupid request – “Can you put the vodka for our drinks in a separate glass?” Aha! No doubt they figured this would embarrass the restaurant into giving them more vodka than they think they’re getting. (This particular restaurant is known for their good pours.) The waiter explained that there would be a charge for the vodka straight up. Wouldn’t you know, all of a sudden their Bloody Marys were just fine. Talk about trust issues.

Eat, drink and be merry, and be nice.

Monday, March 21, 2016


If it’s spring, it's  Galas Galore season.  We get all gussied up to see people honored, institutions celebrated while eating pricey plates of food. But there’s a bonus to this – in every gala dinner there’s a built in way to help you shed a few pounds for summer.

I suspect with all the issues in Washington DC between Democrats and Republicans maybe sitting in between the two will work to your advantage. Or maybe not since everyone is promising to talk to everyone.

It’s very easy.  Just sit in between people who like each other a lot and don’t know you very well.  They’ll probably throw you a question every now and then but mostly they want to catch up on old times that you had nothing to do with.

As they talk over your food they are unwittingly spraying spit onto your plate. Heavy drinkers are the worst. I have tried to place my hands over the plate as if I’m about say some kind of prayer but at a certain point, I’ve had to pick up my knife and fork.

You really can’t say anything. Maybe you can set an example by leaning back in your chair and talking to the person to their left or right and perhaps they’ll get the hint. Manage your expectations and have a bite before leaving home.