“What did he look like, Yvette?” asked Yvonne.
“He was well dressed, suit, tie, good looking guy, he looked like a business man.”
We were trying to make sense out of what I’d seen on the train that morning – a man clipping his nails. The sound of the clippers alone was driving me crazy. What he did next was even more disgusting. He let the clippings fall onto his lap. When he finished, he brushed them onto the floor and put his clippers away.”
I couldn’t help myself. I got up from my seat, walked over to him and said, “What you just did is incredibly rude.”
“That’s your opinion,” he answered coolly.
We covered grooming in public in a past post and left out nail clipping so we’re thankful for the dapper clipper for the reminder.
I wonder if he retold the story about someone telling him how rude he was to clip his nails in public and grace the train’s floor with his clippings. I can hear him now calling me everything but ‘lady’ or ‘woman’.
We don’t suggest going up to people with sharp objects in their hand and pointing out their poor manners. But I felt confident that I wasn’t going to end up on the evening news cycle as a stabbing victim thanks to that little file that's connected to the clipper.
Maybe nodding in disdain and changing seats is the better way to go when you see poor behavior. But that’s just our opinion.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
ELAINE OF ELAINE’S ON DINING, WINING AND WHINING
Asked if she ever goes gaga over the famous people who come to her restaurant known for it’s famous clientele that includes prolific writers, filmmakers, actors and other consummate New Yorkers, Elaine Kaufman, owner of the famous Elaine’s on New York's Upper Eastside thinks for a moment, looks at Diane Becker, the restaurant’s superb, no nonsense manager and responds, “Sidney Poitier was awesome.
“And remember Harry Belafonte?” Diane reminds her. “Yeah, but,” adds Elaine, “When Fellini and his wife came in with Marcello Mastroianni…” her voice trails off as if she’s reliving that amazing moment.
“We have some funny people coming here, most of them are fine and then there are those whose demands aren’t consistent with manners,” Elaine points out.
Here are some of Elaine’s dos and don’ts when you're on her turf.
DON’T WALK UP TO A TABLE AND GUSH AS SOMEONE’S ABOUT TO TAKE A BITE, NO MATTER HOW FABULOUS THEY ARE OR HOW DRUNK YOU ARE
“They’re about to eat and someone actually is coming up to them to tap them to get their attention, " said Elaine shaking her head in disbelief.
DON’T EVEN TRY DROPPING ELAINE’S NAME IN YOUR QUEST FOR WHAT YOU THINK IS A BETTER TABLE
“You get what you get. Any table you’re sitting at should be a good table and if you’re that insecure, no table is going to be right.” Diane adds, "Saying you know Elaine won't do anything for you."
DON’T COME IN WITH YOUR OWN BOTTLE OF WINE
“We tell them that we sell wine and food.”
DON’T SEND BACK A BOTTLE AND ASK FOR ANOTHER OF THE SAME
“We won’t do it. We tell them they won’t be happy, try something else.”
DON’T TAKE YOUR DRINK TO THE BATHROOM
Asked why this happens, Elaine responded, “Because they’re stupid.”
DON’T EVER PUT YOUR FEET ON THE CHAIR
“We’ll yell, “Take your feet off the chair.”
DO DRESS PROPERLY, NO SHORTS PLEASE
“There’s not much to do about it once they get in."
DO BE KIND TO THE STAFF
“One guy, a writer, used to be very rude. He changed his ways when he married, his wife would threaten to walk out.”
DO FEEL FREE TO ASK IF YOU CAN ORDER OFF THE MENU
“Doesn’t mean you’re going to get it.”
THINGS ELAINE CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT
Doggie bags - “They’re a given, it’s okay but I can’t believe that people would take such small amount of food home and actually eat it.”
Sharing meals – “I don’t like it. It’s not like they can’t afford it.”
Yvette and I have been to Elaine’s a couple of times. It is impressive and as much as we covet a table along the wall, we know wherever we are, like Elaine said, “It’s a good table.”
*Elaine and Diane sent me away after the interview with a container of soup not surprisingly for a friend who's a filmmaker and not feeling well. "He's family," Diane said. "We take care of family."
“And remember Harry Belafonte?” Diane reminds her. “Yeah, but,” adds Elaine, “When Fellini and his wife came in with Marcello Mastroianni…” her voice trails off as if she’s reliving that amazing moment.
“We have some funny people coming here, most of them are fine and then there are those whose demands aren’t consistent with manners,” Elaine points out.
Here are some of Elaine’s dos and don’ts when you're on her turf.
DON’T WALK UP TO A TABLE AND GUSH AS SOMEONE’S ABOUT TO TAKE A BITE, NO MATTER HOW FABULOUS THEY ARE OR HOW DRUNK YOU ARE
“They’re about to eat and someone actually is coming up to them to tap them to get their attention, " said Elaine shaking her head in disbelief.
DON’T EVEN TRY DROPPING ELAINE’S NAME IN YOUR QUEST FOR WHAT YOU THINK IS A BETTER TABLE
“You get what you get. Any table you’re sitting at should be a good table and if you’re that insecure, no table is going to be right.” Diane adds, "Saying you know Elaine won't do anything for you."
DON’T COME IN WITH YOUR OWN BOTTLE OF WINE
“We tell them that we sell wine and food.”
DON’T SEND BACK A BOTTLE AND ASK FOR ANOTHER OF THE SAME
“We won’t do it. We tell them they won’t be happy, try something else.”
DON’T TAKE YOUR DRINK TO THE BATHROOM
Asked why this happens, Elaine responded, “Because they’re stupid.”
DON’T EVER PUT YOUR FEET ON THE CHAIR
“We’ll yell, “Take your feet off the chair.”
DO DRESS PROPERLY, NO SHORTS PLEASE
“There’s not much to do about it once they get in."
DO BE KIND TO THE STAFF
“One guy, a writer, used to be very rude. He changed his ways when he married, his wife would threaten to walk out.”
DO FEEL FREE TO ASK IF YOU CAN ORDER OFF THE MENU
“Doesn’t mean you’re going to get it.”
THINGS ELAINE CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT
Doggie bags - “They’re a given, it’s okay but I can’t believe that people would take such small amount of food home and actually eat it.”
Sharing meals – “I don’t like it. It’s not like they can’t afford it.”
Yvette and I have been to Elaine’s a couple of times. It is impressive and as much as we covet a table along the wall, we know wherever we are, like Elaine said, “It’s a good table.”
*Elaine and Diane sent me away after the interview with a container of soup not surprisingly for a friend who's a filmmaker and not feeling well. "He's family," Diane said. "We take care of family."
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
THE JOB OF LEAVING A JOB
It doesn’t seem like most people are leaving jobs on their own volition these days but if you’re one of the two lucky people in today’s job market who actually found another job, careful how you leave.
No need to gloat, especially if you know that most of your soon to be former colleagues are miserable. Telling them that their turn is coming up may not be the best thing to say to them because you don’t know what that turn will be. Instead, thank them graciously for wishing you well and point out that they as well as you are fortunate to have steady work.
The temptation to start slacking off is tremendous – strolling in late morning, taking an extra two hours for lunch and leaving early – wait to do this in between the old and new job. While you didn’t need the present employer for a reference, you may be calling on him/her in the future. You wouldn’t want them to remember your lame ducking days or the shopping spree you went on in the supply closet.
Handwritten notes to people you like and including your boss (even if you didn’t like him/her) go a long way. It shows people that you cared enough to take the time to say something kind to them with a personal touch. Avoid those sappy mass emails that go on and on. They can seem self -serving especially if you think big brother is watching and you want him to know how gracious you can be even if you’re deliriously happy to be leaving.
To some, exit interviews are a waste of time. But you can turn yours around to be positive and a help to the co-workers you’re leaving behind. Don’t turn it into a bitterfest or a lecture on how the company could be better.
To those of you caught up in the sea of layoffs, a huge job awaits you. We suggest that you mind your manners like never before and introduce yourself to grace.
No need to gloat, especially if you know that most of your soon to be former colleagues are miserable. Telling them that their turn is coming up may not be the best thing to say to them because you don’t know what that turn will be. Instead, thank them graciously for wishing you well and point out that they as well as you are fortunate to have steady work.
The temptation to start slacking off is tremendous – strolling in late morning, taking an extra two hours for lunch and leaving early – wait to do this in between the old and new job. While you didn’t need the present employer for a reference, you may be calling on him/her in the future. You wouldn’t want them to remember your lame ducking days or the shopping spree you went on in the supply closet.
Handwritten notes to people you like and including your boss (even if you didn’t like him/her) go a long way. It shows people that you cared enough to take the time to say something kind to them with a personal touch. Avoid those sappy mass emails that go on and on. They can seem self -serving especially if you think big brother is watching and you want him to know how gracious you can be even if you’re deliriously happy to be leaving.
To some, exit interviews are a waste of time. But you can turn yours around to be positive and a help to the co-workers you’re leaving behind. Don’t turn it into a bitterfest or a lecture on how the company could be better.
To those of you caught up in the sea of layoffs, a huge job awaits you. We suggest that you mind your manners like never before and introduce yourself to grace.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
IT’S MY PARTY AND YOU’LL PAY IF YOU WANT TO…
Even before the recent financial crunch, people have thrown birthday parties that require a fee. For some, it’s the only way they could have had a party. They’d rather their good friends join in on the fun at a reasonable cost than not to have anything at all. Sometimes the celebrant or friends and family execute this plan.
While that’s understandable, it may not be to guests who want to celebrate their friend’s birthday but may also be in the same boat financially. In fact, we were recently invited to a birthday party on a boat for a family member and not all of us will be on the same boat because of the cost.
We think the idea of charging for a birthday party should be floated beforehand – ask around and see how much the traffic can bear. You may find other options more comfortable for everyone. It’s one thing to agree on a place where there’s a cash bar. It’s another thing if there is literally an admission fee. You’re not having a party; you’re running a business. And if it’s a surprise pay party, it could be very embarrassing for the guest of honor when he/she finds out that their friends had to pay to party.
Yvonne remembers a pitiful birthday dinner for her when she lived in Italy. A friend, who didn’t know Yvonne well, tried to put a group together to have a surprise dinner for her at her favorite restaurant that wasn’t terribly cheap. What was supposed to be a group of six including Yvonne, turned out to be the big three. “When the check came, there was a bit of a scramble figuring out who had what pasta. I know that my friend meant well but she didn’t know my friends well enough to ask for that kind of financial commitment.”
Different from birthday parties, retirement parties and events honoring someone usually come at a cost and that’s fine. It’s an agreed upon group effort.
We don’t mean to be party poopers, quite the contrary. We’re just suggesting that the life of the party shouldn’t depend on the wallets of the guests.
While that’s understandable, it may not be to guests who want to celebrate their friend’s birthday but may also be in the same boat financially. In fact, we were recently invited to a birthday party on a boat for a family member and not all of us will be on the same boat because of the cost.
We think the idea of charging for a birthday party should be floated beforehand – ask around and see how much the traffic can bear. You may find other options more comfortable for everyone. It’s one thing to agree on a place where there’s a cash bar. It’s another thing if there is literally an admission fee. You’re not having a party; you’re running a business. And if it’s a surprise pay party, it could be very embarrassing for the guest of honor when he/she finds out that their friends had to pay to party.
Yvonne remembers a pitiful birthday dinner for her when she lived in Italy. A friend, who didn’t know Yvonne well, tried to put a group together to have a surprise dinner for her at her favorite restaurant that wasn’t terribly cheap. What was supposed to be a group of six including Yvonne, turned out to be the big three. “When the check came, there was a bit of a scramble figuring out who had what pasta. I know that my friend meant well but she didn’t know my friends well enough to ask for that kind of financial commitment.”
Different from birthday parties, retirement parties and events honoring someone usually come at a cost and that’s fine. It’s an agreed upon group effort.
We don’t mean to be party poopers, quite the contrary. We’re just suggesting that the life of the party shouldn’t depend on the wallets of the guests.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
THE CURSE OF CURSING IN PUBLIC
If you buy into the phrase, “curses like a sailor”, there are a lot of sailors out of uniform amongst us, no matter where you live. We can safely assume that we have all used some of ‘those’ words, and will continue to use them when they serve us. We use them as exclamation points, expressions of disbelief, pain and anger or just because a cuss word seemed right at the time. Let’s examine the time.
What you say or do in your home is your business. Even when you have company, you own your words in your home, if someone doesn’t like your style of language they don’t have to accept your invitation. But understand if the invitation isn't reciprocated. We know a couple who don't tolerate any use of profanity in their home even if you're good friend.
It’s not uncommon on New York City trains and buses to hear young and not so young people lace their conversations with profanity. “Some respect, please?” Yvonne softly asked a young man who thought his vulgar story about a buddy of his was so entertaining he told it twice to his grinning friends (one was a young woman). “I’m sorry,” he said. His friends looked embarrassed for him and he was. We don’t suggest that you try this with most strangers but Yvonne felt safe in approaching him because the guy didn’t look crazy and he and his friends were well dressed. His apology was earnest. Maybe as a child he’d heard an adult use the same profanity in public and thought it was all right. Maybe cursing was the standard in his home. James Baldwin did say when you open your mouth, the way you speak will tell everything about you (he was referring to how the British can figure you out just by how you speak).
We don’t buy into the double standard that it’s worse when a woman curses. A woman calling another woman out of her name is just as bad as a man doing the same. And if you don’t like your newly appointed name, just simply re-introduce yourself without anger. They’ll get the hint, no need to fuel the fire because oftentimes they has been fueled with alcohol. Ever had a soft drink or cup of coffee with someone and they start cursing you out?
Once a year, we have Fleet Week in New York; sailors are all over the town. They seem to be having a good time and as far as we can hear and tell, they’re not cursing like sailors at least not as much as those ‘other’ sailors.
What you say or do in your home is your business. Even when you have company, you own your words in your home, if someone doesn’t like your style of language they don’t have to accept your invitation. But understand if the invitation isn't reciprocated. We know a couple who don't tolerate any use of profanity in their home even if you're good friend.
It’s not uncommon on New York City trains and buses to hear young and not so young people lace their conversations with profanity. “Some respect, please?” Yvonne softly asked a young man who thought his vulgar story about a buddy of his was so entertaining he told it twice to his grinning friends (one was a young woman). “I’m sorry,” he said. His friends looked embarrassed for him and he was. We don’t suggest that you try this with most strangers but Yvonne felt safe in approaching him because the guy didn’t look crazy and he and his friends were well dressed. His apology was earnest. Maybe as a child he’d heard an adult use the same profanity in public and thought it was all right. Maybe cursing was the standard in his home. James Baldwin did say when you open your mouth, the way you speak will tell everything about you (he was referring to how the British can figure you out just by how you speak).
We don’t buy into the double standard that it’s worse when a woman curses. A woman calling another woman out of her name is just as bad as a man doing the same. And if you don’t like your newly appointed name, just simply re-introduce yourself without anger. They’ll get the hint, no need to fuel the fire because oftentimes they has been fueled with alcohol. Ever had a soft drink or cup of coffee with someone and they start cursing you out?
Once a year, we have Fleet Week in New York; sailors are all over the town. They seem to be having a good time and as far as we can hear and tell, they’re not cursing like sailors at least not as much as those ‘other’ sailors.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
THE SWEETEST DAY FOR HAITI
On Valentine's Day, expectations run high, so do the prices of roses, dinner and baubles. Last year, we wrote a post of dos and don'ts for Valentine's Day. In light of what's happened in Haiti, we thought it would be trite to discuss the etiquette of Valentine's Day.
We told you about The Sweetest Day, a special day celebrated in Ohio that's not just about bon-bons. Instead of the usual gifts, cards and meals, Ohioans choose this day to do something for less fortunate people. Their lack of fortune has nothing to do with their romantic status. It has everything to do with the fact that many have little to nothing.
It would be inappropriate for us to pressure you into giving for any cause but we have a suggestion - this year, how about we give the many Haitians in distress The Sweetest Day. How's that for a show of love?
We told you about The Sweetest Day, a special day celebrated in Ohio that's not just about bon-bons. Instead of the usual gifts, cards and meals, Ohioans choose this day to do something for less fortunate people. Their lack of fortune has nothing to do with their romantic status. It has everything to do with the fact that many have little to nothing.
It would be inappropriate for us to pressure you into giving for any cause but we have a suggestion - this year, how about we give the many Haitians in distress The Sweetest Day. How's that for a show of love?
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
THE 2009 RUDEY AWARDS
It seems to be no surprise that Kanye West was most frequently nominated for our first annual Rudey Awards. In fact, so many of our followers mentioned him, we have decided to give him the distinctive, Rudey Hall of Shame award. This suggestion comes from a fan and follower of ours in Chicago. We don’t think Mr. West will lose any sleep over this - that would be way too gentlemanly.
Our good friend, Nancy Miller, nominated the following:
Sarah Palin for creating a public nuisance
Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab for smoking in public
Rush Limbaugh for air pollution
Donald Trump for hair pollution
Rudy Guiliani just for having a name that sounds like Rudey
Our friend, Bruce Hopman of the site Parody & Sons weighed in with his nominations:
Best Show Acceptance Speech by a non-award winner: Kanye West
Best Impression of a six year old: Senator Joe Wilson
From a certain popular Washington journalist:
“Hello, Michael Steele?”
From author-journalist Stephen Silverman:
Supreme Court Justice Alito for nodding his head and moving his mouth during President Obama’s State of the Union speech
And, hello, Michael Steele
We also would like to give Rudey Special Mention Awards to:
Persistent Double Dippers
Dog owners with excessively long leashes
Parents who think the dirt on their children’s soles don’t soil furniture
Adults who think the dirt on their soles don’t soil furniture (in homes and restaurants)
People who don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom and go digging into the nut bowl
Phone calls and emails of no returns especially from potential employers
“Walk faster old man!” Younger drivers who think they’ll never get old
And finally, employers who upon firing employees will actually suggest that it’s a good thing (see Up In The Air, recent unemployment and foreclosure figures)
Our good friend, Nancy Miller, nominated the following:
Sarah Palin for creating a public nuisance
Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab for smoking in public
Rush Limbaugh for air pollution
Donald Trump for hair pollution
Rudy Guiliani just for having a name that sounds like Rudey
Our friend, Bruce Hopman of the site Parody & Sons weighed in with his nominations:
Best Show Acceptance Speech by a non-award winner: Kanye West
Best Impression of a six year old: Senator Joe Wilson
From a certain popular Washington journalist:
“Hello, Michael Steele?”
From author-journalist Stephen Silverman:
Supreme Court Justice Alito for nodding his head and moving his mouth during President Obama’s State of the Union speech
And, hello, Michael Steele
We also would like to give Rudey Special Mention Awards to:
Persistent Double Dippers
Dog owners with excessively long leashes
Parents who think the dirt on their children’s soles don’t soil furniture
Adults who think the dirt on their soles don’t soil furniture (in homes and restaurants)
People who don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom and go digging into the nut bowl
Phone calls and emails of no returns especially from potential employers
“Walk faster old man!” Younger drivers who think they’ll never get old
And finally, employers who upon firing employees will actually suggest that it’s a good thing (see Up In The Air, recent unemployment and foreclosure figures)
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