We say they’re going down, especially in our hometown of New York City. What is it about New Yorkers who treat other New Yorkers like the Invisible Man, Woman or Child? How about a nod or a basic greeting, something more humane than walking onto an elevator and distributing the silent treatment?
Cell phones and BlackBerrys don’t help. Now, there’s really no reason to recognize anyone else, we’re too busy fielding phone calls and answering emails. Neighbors think nothing of getting on an elevator and holding conversations as if they’re the only ones on it. At the very least, a whispered, “Excuse me,” says plenty. It says, “I know this is rude to hold a conversation that has nothing to do with you and is invasive to the space we’re in.” Of course, if your phone rings during the ride it’s not your fault, you can either answer it so that the ring doesn’t become a Muzak tune or you can turn it off or answer it and quickly say, “I’ll call you back.”
Babies and their state of the art strollers rule. However, most caregivers and parents are usually very nice about acknowledging the space they’re about dominate as you’re squished into a corner. They’re also more apt to greet you - there’s something you can take to the first floor. But as these babies grow, parents will often let them practice their first steps getting on and off the elevator, this is fine as long as no one else is on it or waiting for one. Otherwise, there’s nothing much to do about precious moments like these except grin and bear it.
Getting off the elevator is another trip. Babies and their equipment get off first, then women and the elderly and then everyone else. In a rush to get off, no one thinks about the doors closing in the face of ‘everyone else’.
“I don’t like it when someone treats a public elevator as if it’s their private elevator” a friend pointed out. She explained that there’s nothing more annoying than someone on the elevator holding the doors open while having a conversation with someone off the elevator. That’s as bad as the person who can’t fathom waiting for another elevator so he/she slices in between the doors with their hand just as the doors were closing and everyone else who waited fair and square were thinking they were on their way.
Speaking of conversation, how soon we forget when an elevator works efficiently. We’re talking about ungrateful riders who get on and when they realize they’re on a functioning elevator as it stops for others as it stopped for them, they say, “Local,” as if the elevator did something wrong. Poor elevators and poor us if we get stuck on this one.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
QUESTIONABLE QUESTIONS
Being twins, we’re used to questions. We’ve been asked them all from “Are you identical?” to “Which one is the evil twin?” Call us sensitive when it comes to some questions, but when a question makes you wince then it’s probably the kind that’s trying to peg your social status, your financial status, your love life, etc. Below are some that pass the wince test. (Please note that some of these questions are perfectly acceptable depending on how well you know the person who’s being questioned.)
1. Do you all have the same father? Families today, don’t look like they used to with overseas adoptions, interracial marriages and extended families. There’s no need to ask a question like this except if you are a doctor inquiring about a family’s medical history.
2. What does your wife/husband do? Just because a man is wearing a wedding band doesn’t mean he’s married to a woman. The same goes for a woman.
3. Are you two married? Asking a couple about their marital status could be uncomfortable if they’re not married and one of them would like to be.
4. How old are you? This age-old question stirs up all kinds of emotions after age ten. The only ones who can get away with it are doctors, lawyers and forgetful parents.
5. Why were you in the hospital? If you don’t know that means you don’t know the person well enough. And maybe they don’t want to talk about their hemorrhoid operation.
6. How big is your farm? This is another way of asking, “How much land are you rich enough to own?”
7. Did your son/daughter get a scholarship? This question could rub someone wrong for a couple reasons. One, it’s an underhanded way of inquiring about someone’s finances. Two, it’s a sly way to find out how smart or talented their kid is.
8. Is he/she gay? Who wants to know and why? This question is usually used as a tool to label someone. It’s also usually asked when a person’s sexual preferences have nothing to do with the conversation or situation at hand.
9. I love your ring, how big is it? We can understand the curiosity of knowing what two or three carats look like but are those dollar signs we see in that bubble over your head?
10. Do you mind my asking how much rent do you pay? Unless you’re a financial institution or offering to pay someone’s rent, don’t ask.
1. Do you all have the same father? Families today, don’t look like they used to with overseas adoptions, interracial marriages and extended families. There’s no need to ask a question like this except if you are a doctor inquiring about a family’s medical history.
2. What does your wife/husband do? Just because a man is wearing a wedding band doesn’t mean he’s married to a woman. The same goes for a woman.
3. Are you two married? Asking a couple about their marital status could be uncomfortable if they’re not married and one of them would like to be.
4. How old are you? This age-old question stirs up all kinds of emotions after age ten. The only ones who can get away with it are doctors, lawyers and forgetful parents.
5. Why were you in the hospital? If you don’t know that means you don’t know the person well enough. And maybe they don’t want to talk about their hemorrhoid operation.
6. How big is your farm? This is another way of asking, “How much land are you rich enough to own?”
7. Did your son/daughter get a scholarship? This question could rub someone wrong for a couple reasons. One, it’s an underhanded way of inquiring about someone’s finances. Two, it’s a sly way to find out how smart or talented their kid is.
8. Is he/she gay? Who wants to know and why? This question is usually used as a tool to label someone. It’s also usually asked when a person’s sexual preferences have nothing to do with the conversation or situation at hand.
9. I love your ring, how big is it? We can understand the curiosity of knowing what two or three carats look like but are those dollar signs we see in that bubble over your head?
10. Do you mind my asking how much rent do you pay? Unless you’re a financial institution or offering to pay someone’s rent, don’t ask.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
MAY I ASK FOR MY MONEY, PLEASE?
There’s nothing more uncomfortable and frustrating than chasing after money owed to you. And during these economically difficult times you can barely catch your breath as you run for your money. You’ve emailed, left phone messages, emailed again and left another message and then you begin to wonder if you’re beginning to annoy the client and maybe he/she is so annoyed, they’re not going to pay you.
There’s not much to do with a client who doesn’t respond via email or phone. A good client is one who pays on time. A decent client is one who calls back and lets you know when a payment will be made or initiates a call and lets you know that payment may be delayed. You can only respect this kind of person and wait. “Humility is a powerful tool,” pointed out a very successful businessman we know.
If the terms of your contract called for payment within 30 days, don’t start calling incessantly two weeks before the due date because by day 30, you will have pulled out a good amount of hair.
“I’ve been on both sides,” said a friend in television production. “When I hired people, I made sure they were paid. If a payroll company was involved, payment was guaranteed. When I’ve been owed money, I notice that sometimes people get weird. They seem to be annoyed that they owe you. Once, I had to threaten legal action. The client sent me a check immediately.”
No one who has rendered a service should feel wrong for wanting to get paid for it. You may wonder if you’re annoying them but what about you? Isn’t it annoying to be owed money that you can use?
Whatever you do, keep the emails and phone calls polite. If you think it may be time to take legal action, don’t make an empty threat. Seek legal advice and weigh if it’s going to be worth your while.
No doubt, these are hard times for everyone. We believe that for the most part, people’s intentions are honorable. Now, more than ever, patience is a virtue. Think about that before you put on your running shoes. And if you’re a client who owes money to someone who’s done a job for you, put yourself in his or her shoes.
There’s not much to do with a client who doesn’t respond via email or phone. A good client is one who pays on time. A decent client is one who calls back and lets you know when a payment will be made or initiates a call and lets you know that payment may be delayed. You can only respect this kind of person and wait. “Humility is a powerful tool,” pointed out a very successful businessman we know.
If the terms of your contract called for payment within 30 days, don’t start calling incessantly two weeks before the due date because by day 30, you will have pulled out a good amount of hair.
“I’ve been on both sides,” said a friend in television production. “When I hired people, I made sure they were paid. If a payroll company was involved, payment was guaranteed. When I’ve been owed money, I notice that sometimes people get weird. They seem to be annoyed that they owe you. Once, I had to threaten legal action. The client sent me a check immediately.”
No one who has rendered a service should feel wrong for wanting to get paid for it. You may wonder if you’re annoying them but what about you? Isn’t it annoying to be owed money that you can use?
Whatever you do, keep the emails and phone calls polite. If you think it may be time to take legal action, don’t make an empty threat. Seek legal advice and weigh if it’s going to be worth your while.
No doubt, these are hard times for everyone. We believe that for the most part, people’s intentions are honorable. Now, more than ever, patience is a virtue. Think about that before you put on your running shoes. And if you’re a client who owes money to someone who’s done a job for you, put yourself in his or her shoes.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
When A Contrarian Takes The Floor
Beware of the contrarian in the room. As soon as a conversation takes off, he or she will turn into the CONVERSATIONATOR and obliterate any spoken word with endless disagreements and contradictions. They’ll oppose when there’s nothing to oppose.
For example:
You: I wish it would stop raining.
The Conversationator: Be glad you woke up healthy this morning.
What? You make a comment about the weather and the next thing you’re being scolded for not being grateful that you woke up. This is all about control. To have it, the conversationator has to change the subject. Don’t try to figure it out, don’t go on the defensive and don’t bring up the rain again - just be happy you woke up healthy this morning and be quiet.
As much as you would like to avoid them, it’s not so easy. The fact is contrarians are in our lives in business or through close relationships.
One way to handle them is no matter what you’re discussing, make it about them and their opinion. They rarely disagree with themselves. As they go on and on, every now and then, throw in, “You’re right.” You can dare to open the discussion by asking, “I just want to make sure that I understand, you think that…” This may not the most intellectually stimulating conversation but at least it’ll be somewhat pleasant if not a little dull.
If you do get caught up in a heated discussion, end it by saying, “Well, I guess we’ve agreed to disagree.” This is usually a very effective way to shut down the conversationator.
Some contrarians can drive you nuts. Not, Yvette, she thinks they’re too much work and they should be avoided. I think they deserve a chance and should be confronted. They should be told how difficult it is to have a conversation. Tell them how much you care about them and would like to talk to them without always sparring. If they don’t get it, leave it alone and be glad you woke up healthy today.
For example:
You: I wish it would stop raining.
The Conversationator: Be glad you woke up healthy this morning.
What? You make a comment about the weather and the next thing you’re being scolded for not being grateful that you woke up. This is all about control. To have it, the conversationator has to change the subject. Don’t try to figure it out, don’t go on the defensive and don’t bring up the rain again - just be happy you woke up healthy this morning and be quiet.
As much as you would like to avoid them, it’s not so easy. The fact is contrarians are in our lives in business or through close relationships.
One way to handle them is no matter what you’re discussing, make it about them and their opinion. They rarely disagree with themselves. As they go on and on, every now and then, throw in, “You’re right.” You can dare to open the discussion by asking, “I just want to make sure that I understand, you think that…” This may not the most intellectually stimulating conversation but at least it’ll be somewhat pleasant if not a little dull.
If you do get caught up in a heated discussion, end it by saying, “Well, I guess we’ve agreed to disagree.” This is usually a very effective way to shut down the conversationator.
Some contrarians can drive you nuts. Not, Yvette, she thinks they’re too much work and they should be avoided. I think they deserve a chance and should be confronted. They should be told how difficult it is to have a conversation. Tell them how much you care about them and would like to talk to them without always sparring. If they don’t get it, leave it alone and be glad you woke up healthy today.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
SOCIAL BUTTERFLYING ALONE
There is nothing more challenging than going to a party alone and the only familiar face is that of the host’s cat that looks exactly like the one you had as a child.
Most people will know their host but that isn’t a guarantee that you’ll have someone to keep you company during the party. No decent host worth their cheese puffs would spend the whole time with one guest. So, how do you do, ‘How do you do?’ when you don’t know anyone?
First, go to the bar, get a drink and move around the room. Keep moving, don’t find a comfortable chair and own it for the rest of the party. If you catch someone’s eye, introduce yourself and whatever conversation follows, make it about them – “I love that color you’re wearing.” “You remind me of a friend of mine who comes from Boston, do you come from Boston by any chance?” Questions like these lead to conversations. Try and avoid the dull and common, “How do you know so and so?” This could be taken as, “How did you get invited here?” It can also be intrusive. What if a guest doesn’t want you to know that she and the host met at rehab? And whatever you do, don’t ask, “What you do?” What if they respond, “I sell copy paper?” Then what? It’s always much more interesting when you allow others to do the talking. It may never get around to what they do and that’s okay, you will have learned so much more.
Yvette loves art. If there’s one painting or photograph on the wall she’ll strike up a conversation with someone nearby and say something, “I like that painting.” She swears that it’s always a conversation starter. “Everyone likes to play critic,” Yvette said, “you’d be surprised how much people have to say.”
Go to the party and promise yourself a new friend, not as in girlfriend or boyfriend, just a new person. It’s usually the woman or man standing quietly away from the rest. Probably shy, they can usually turn out to be social treasures. They will most likely be smart, observant and ready for interesting conversation. And they’ll gladly come out of the corner with an offer of a drink at the bar or a promise of the best crab cakes on the other side of the room.
Once you’ve brought them into the fold, don’t turn your back on them. Introduce them and engage them in other conversations. You’ll be surprised, they weren’t the ‘losers’ of the party after all, they were the winners and now you’re one of them too.
Most people will know their host but that isn’t a guarantee that you’ll have someone to keep you company during the party. No decent host worth their cheese puffs would spend the whole time with one guest. So, how do you do, ‘How do you do?’ when you don’t know anyone?
First, go to the bar, get a drink and move around the room. Keep moving, don’t find a comfortable chair and own it for the rest of the party. If you catch someone’s eye, introduce yourself and whatever conversation follows, make it about them – “I love that color you’re wearing.” “You remind me of a friend of mine who comes from Boston, do you come from Boston by any chance?” Questions like these lead to conversations. Try and avoid the dull and common, “How do you know so and so?” This could be taken as, “How did you get invited here?” It can also be intrusive. What if a guest doesn’t want you to know that she and the host met at rehab? And whatever you do, don’t ask, “What you do?” What if they respond, “I sell copy paper?” Then what? It’s always much more interesting when you allow others to do the talking. It may never get around to what they do and that’s okay, you will have learned so much more.
Yvette loves art. If there’s one painting or photograph on the wall she’ll strike up a conversation with someone nearby and say something, “I like that painting.” She swears that it’s always a conversation starter. “Everyone likes to play critic,” Yvette said, “you’d be surprised how much people have to say.”
Go to the party and promise yourself a new friend, not as in girlfriend or boyfriend, just a new person. It’s usually the woman or man standing quietly away from the rest. Probably shy, they can usually turn out to be social treasures. They will most likely be smart, observant and ready for interesting conversation. And they’ll gladly come out of the corner with an offer of a drink at the bar or a promise of the best crab cakes on the other side of the room.
Once you’ve brought them into the fold, don’t turn your back on them. Introduce them and engage them in other conversations. You’ll be surprised, they weren’t the ‘losers’ of the party after all, they were the winners and now you’re one of them too.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
WHEN THE FLU GOES TO WORK, WILL YOU?
When we’re not feeling, all we want to do is feel better. We’re so busy minding our health, we forget about minding our manners.
H1N1, depending on with whom you’re talking, is coming our way with a vengeance along with the seasonal flu. Now, more than ever, is the time to go into germ control wherever you are, especially at your place of work.
If you’re climbing up the ladder, slow down during flu season. You won’t get high marks when you and your germs show up in the office, just cold stares from colleagues as you go about sneezing, coughing and touching everything in sight.
“I have to come to work, I have no more sick days,” is a common cry. Dip into vacation days, it may not be a day at the beach but at least if you take care of yourself, you’ll be around to take a vacation. (Excuse the scare technique; we’ve been watching a lot of cable television.)
If you don’t mind, we have some tips:
• When you get to the office, don’t go straight to the kitchen for coffee and dig into the donut box. The coveted donut is always at the bottom.
• If you use the microwave, ‘nuke’ the panel with a sanitizing wipe before and after.
• Before you pick up the phone, touch your mouse or keyboard - give everything a good wiping.
• Don’t play doctor see a doctor; if you’re working you must have some sort of insurance even if it does need reforming.
• Employers should encourage people to stay home if they’re sick and employees shouldn’t feign illness, not healthy for your karma.
• If someone extends their hand, don’t recoil in fear, shake and wash hands soon after, especially if it’s a client.
• Don’t fuel the discussion of flu shots with anymore misinformation. There's already plenty available.
Stay well! At least, try.
H1N1, depending on with whom you’re talking, is coming our way with a vengeance along with the seasonal flu. Now, more than ever, is the time to go into germ control wherever you are, especially at your place of work.
If you’re climbing up the ladder, slow down during flu season. You won’t get high marks when you and your germs show up in the office, just cold stares from colleagues as you go about sneezing, coughing and touching everything in sight.
“I have to come to work, I have no more sick days,” is a common cry. Dip into vacation days, it may not be a day at the beach but at least if you take care of yourself, you’ll be around to take a vacation. (Excuse the scare technique; we’ve been watching a lot of cable television.)
If you don’t mind, we have some tips:
• When you get to the office, don’t go straight to the kitchen for coffee and dig into the donut box. The coveted donut is always at the bottom.
• If you use the microwave, ‘nuke’ the panel with a sanitizing wipe before and after.
• Before you pick up the phone, touch your mouse or keyboard - give everything a good wiping.
• Don’t play doctor see a doctor; if you’re working you must have some sort of insurance even if it does need reforming.
• Employers should encourage people to stay home if they’re sick and employees shouldn’t feign illness, not healthy for your karma.
• If someone extends their hand, don’t recoil in fear, shake and wash hands soon after, especially if it’s a client.
• Don’t fuel the discussion of flu shots with anymore misinformation. There's already plenty available.
Stay well! At least, try.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Stealing the Show: Noisemakers, Filmmakers and Troublemakers
All Yvette wanted to do was sit back and enjoy Boz Scaggs and Michael McDonald in concert. She could hear everything just fine, but McDonald’s body had a camera for a head, compliments of the bootlegging filmmaker sitting in front of her. She wondered what to do, write off the concert or take action? Hoping that he wasn’t some sort of nutcase, she took action.
“Excuse me, sir, your camera and its light are distracting and blocking my view.” He turned around and nodded his head as if to say, “Thanks for telling me.” He resumed filming. Yvette felt like a basket case for the rest of the performance
Continuing her cultural weekend, Yvette went to another concert on Sunday. “Between lack of buttiquette and cameras, it wasn’t a whole lot of fun,” she said.
I went to a play and had an ongoing narrative delivered throughout from a woman in the row behind me. If there was a sound effect of a train, the narrator said, “Train.” My companion missed the second half of the play because the couple in front of him couldn’t bare not to stick like glue to each other, so they locked arms and put their heads together forming a lumpy pyramid.
Going to the movies can be a trying experience too. Depending on where you go, forget about hearing the movie because the shouting from the audience will make sure of that. They give running commentary, take phone calls and supply their own laugh track when nothing’s funny. Some moviegoers are so important; they check messages and don’t give a hoot about the light their devices throw off.
I would’ve whispered something to the couple at the play. “Excuse me, these seats are really low and I can’t see.” I didn’t say anything to the lady behind me because I realized she was sitting with her grandchildren, hence, all the clarifications. I’d stay away from the loud bunch, their actions are already telling you how they’re going to react to your requests.
Enjoy the show, as much as you can.
ABOUT THE NO GIFT REQUEST
Our friend’s birthday party was fabulous. Gifts and flowers were delivered before hand and we suspect afterwards too. Some guests brought presents and discreetly hid them in the foyer to be discovered later by our friend who was delightfully surprised.
“Excuse me, sir, your camera and its light are distracting and blocking my view.” He turned around and nodded his head as if to say, “Thanks for telling me.” He resumed filming. Yvette felt like a basket case for the rest of the performance
Continuing her cultural weekend, Yvette went to another concert on Sunday. “Between lack of buttiquette and cameras, it wasn’t a whole lot of fun,” she said.
I went to a play and had an ongoing narrative delivered throughout from a woman in the row behind me. If there was a sound effect of a train, the narrator said, “Train.” My companion missed the second half of the play because the couple in front of him couldn’t bare not to stick like glue to each other, so they locked arms and put their heads together forming a lumpy pyramid.
Going to the movies can be a trying experience too. Depending on where you go, forget about hearing the movie because the shouting from the audience will make sure of that. They give running commentary, take phone calls and supply their own laugh track when nothing’s funny. Some moviegoers are so important; they check messages and don’t give a hoot about the light their devices throw off.
I would’ve whispered something to the couple at the play. “Excuse me, these seats are really low and I can’t see.” I didn’t say anything to the lady behind me because I realized she was sitting with her grandchildren, hence, all the clarifications. I’d stay away from the loud bunch, their actions are already telling you how they’re going to react to your requests.
Enjoy the show, as much as you can.
ABOUT THE NO GIFT REQUEST
Our friend’s birthday party was fabulous. Gifts and flowers were delivered before hand and we suspect afterwards too. Some guests brought presents and discreetly hid them in the foyer to be discovered later by our friend who was delightfully surprised.
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