Wednesday, September 26, 2012

My Very First iFast or How Apples Stole My Break Fast By Yvonne

I am very fortunate. I come from a very nice family. I am also a member of another very nice family, the Flein’s (They asked me not to use their real name.) I have sat at their Seder table many years. I also love to break fast with the Fleins at the end of Yom Kippur. Never has a bagel meant so much. I delight in the spread of spreads of salads and well-prepared slices of lox, tomatoes and, the perfect homemade kugel by R.

What made this year different from all other years? Technology. Within a half hour of exchanging hugs and kisses, iPhones were all over the place. If they weren’t talking about the phone, they were talking about the various protective cases and how it changed their iLives.

 I could see the late matriarch, Mother Flein, nodding her head and wondering out loud as she sipped her slivovitz, “What happened to conversation?” That’s okay, Mother Flein, your eldest daughter and I were all over that, we wondered the same.
“Do you have this?”  “How do I get that app?” I love that app.”  “Draw something and see if she (a relative on the other side of the room all teched up) can guess what it is,” I was ordered. I am still waiting for someone to acknowledge my naive, delicate work of art.

The evil app of the evening award goes to the one that separates the young from the old. It emits a sound that you can hear if you’re under 45 and will never hear if you’re over 45. Oh, what fun!

What happened to the break fast where the best and most exciting thing you could have in your  hand was a fully dressed, wonderful bagel and then, for desert,  rugelach?

Thursday, September 20, 2012

I Wanna Be In Pictures

I, Yvette, have decided to pursue a career in acting. It’s something I always wanted to do from a very early age. I started taking classes over a year ago and continue to do so.   I’ve kept my day job.

When people ask me what’s new, I happily and eagerly offer up my new endeavor, responses vary from good luck wishes to compliments on having a good TV face. I’m told that I would be good on Law and Order because I’m an executive type. The most common is something like, “It’s hard, good luck.”  I imagine aspiring poets, painters and dancers hear the same thing.

There is also another response, more of an inquiry, and I didn’t see it coming. One person I know often asks mockingly, “How’s that acting coming, did you get a job yet?”

Should I act surprised? Should I act grateful for these unsolicited comments?  I smile, and cheerfully say ‘Not yet”.  I asked an actress how she handles this. “I’ve stopped telling people I’m an actress.’ “They always want to know what I’m working on.”  She wondered if these same people ask others what they’re working on at their jobs.  “Working on any new presentations or cutback proposals?”

Instead of giving an opinion, I would appreciate your good wishes. Ask if me if you’d like to be on my mailing list so you’ll know what I’m doing.

I’m well aware that careers in creative fields are tough, that’s no secret.  That’s why I’ll hold on to my day job.  Until it’s time for my close up, wish me well.

Thank you.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012


Filters are not just for water and air conditioners. Humans need them too especially when it comes to the words out of our mouths.

For example, maybe it’s not the best thing to talk about birth defects and abortion in the presence of expectant parents unless they initiated the conversation. 

No need to offer information – “You’re pregnant and expecting twins? My brother’s wife just had twins and they each have extra fingers!”

And weight, can be, well, a weighty subject for a pregnant woman.  Let her bathroom scale do the talking in the privacy of her home.  And no guessing games as to how many months pregnant she is, let her tell you. Nothing can be worse than you guessing, “Six months?” And she looks at you and says, “Three.”

Oh, there is something worse, asking a woman how many months she is and she’s not. Just say, “Excuse me, I didn’t mean to be rude.” Go home and clean your filter.

*Once, a dear friend when was asked this question responded with great style. "I'm honored that you thought I was still young enough."