Wednesday, September 14, 2011


Two of our near and dear friends, both men, recently married. For them, it was the natural thing to do. However, there have been some interesting observations and clearly there are some kinks to work out, not on their part but on the part of friends, family, and acquaintances.

They have been teasingly referred to as, “Husband and Husband.” They have been asked, “Which one is Spouse A and which one is Spouse B?” This is how same sex marriage titles are referred to on the marriage license. Talk about odd. “Hi, I’m Spouse A, has my significant Spouse B arrived, yet?”

“We want to be continued to be known by our first names,” said one of the couple. “I don’t need to call him my husband to validate our relationship.” He points out that their marriage made legal something they’ve believed in for 30 years.

Note, we are not making any couple of the same sex wrong for wanting to give themselves titles but it’s up to them and before you assign them these titles ask, “How would you like to be referred to?”

And one more thing, imagine if someone asked you in front of your significant other, “So when are you getting married?” This is a highly personal question, not casual cocktail party chatter. It’s in bad form to ask any kind of couple this question, as bad as, “So, when are you two going to have children?”

Let’s celebrate and honor all marriages with sensitivity and the utmost respect. Equality, it’s a beautiful thing.


Jodi said...

Nicely said! Congratulations to your friends; may they continue to have many years of happiness together.

Anonymous said...

Here's a retort that often works when a relative or someone at a party asks, "When are you getting married?" or "When are you having children?" It doesn't matter if the couples are same sex or opposite sex, those questions are intrusive.

The retort that works is a simple question. Take a breath, smile and with every ounce of confidence within you and just ask, "What do you really want to know?" Works every time, kids, works every time. They are not expecting you to go on the polite offensive but hey, they fired the first shot and I respond. No fear here.