I, Yvette, would like to share an experience I had last Thanksgiving. I had been dating someone for about five months. The closer we got to what would be our first major holiday, the more uncomfortable I became. I wanted to ask him what plans he had but I thought I'd put him on the spot. I should have had an idea because I hadn't met any of his family. Not even the cousin he frequently spoke about.
After asking a few friends what I should do, I decided to woman up and ask. "Knowledge is power," I told myself.
"What are your plans for Thanksgiving?" I asked during a phone call. He laid out his plans, they did not include me.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"Nothing", I answered, casually.
A few days later, we had dinner. It was awkward, conversation was stilted and all attempts were made to avoid talking about turkey. At the end of the evening, as I got out of the cab he said he'd call. The day before Thanksgiving, the call morphed into an email wishing me a happy one. Guess he didn't read our post, 'What's Up With Diss Email."
Oh, well I learned a lesson. This wasn't a 'love at first sight' relationship so there wasn't a mad rush to show me off to his family. He'd met mine, it was my birthday celebration. I never considered leaving him out. And in our family, we don't think the next sound you hear will be wedding bells just because you met some of us.
Holidays are simply holidays, to be enjoyed and not to be used as tools of disengagement. What did I learn? I should have asked sooner. I should've lowered my expectations based on his actions. Five months and no introduction to close friends or family? I don't think he was rude for not including me in his holiday plans, the email was. He should've manned up and picked the phone up.
Commitment or lack of isn't a social grace but how you handle it is. Maybe some of us are just too hot to handle. Ha!